Costco Hires Blackwater for Toilet Paper Security and Logistics
Tim Heaton is a decorated army veteran and saw combat action in Iraq. He’s one of the best of the best at Blackwater Security, the security force best known for securing diplomats in war torn countries.
Tim’s mission now is guarding toilet paper for Costco.
Costco wouldn’t elaborate on their toilet paper security except to add that, “We’re not f*cking around anymore.”
As many now realize the sudden influx of Corona Virus into the United States has created a panic for toilet paper. Long lines and hoarding have been reported. This makes the situation much worse.
Some stores went to half measures like painting the walls Pink near the toilet paper or playing classical music.
But Americans are in a panic for toilet paper, so guys like Tim Heaton are brought in to enforce the law.
Without law in the toilet paper aisle; there is chaos.
Take the case of sweet Walter Barry. The sweet 88 year old Wal-Mart greeter was overwhelmed by the stampede of toilet paper frenzy last week. He was hospitalized and is now at home resting comfortably.
“These toilet paper people are animals and they scared the sh*t out of me, but I’ll be back soon.”
Looking forward to your return Walter.
Stay safe, Friends
